I seem to have some rapid changes happening in my life. The distance between me and the man in my life seems to grow daily and even though I embrace my feelings for him, miss him and continue to be true to myself and my feelings, I realize that even though you love someone, sometimes you just have to move on with your memories and see what's around the next corner. I don't know if or when I will ever stop loving him but I realized this past weekend that I need to change direction, to turn around and try a different path. When I made this decision something amazing happened.
I've known for a long time that I have Rabbit as a totem. I raised show rabbits for 8 years and I learned so much about rabbits, their personalities and tendencies and even how to "talk" to them to make them stay calm and to sooth them. Rabbits are very subtle in their communication and usually won't open up to a new person right away. Part of subtle Rabbit communication is looking you right in the eye. If they are trying to ignore you they won't. A few years ago I started to notice that some wild rabbits I came across were not afraid of me at all and I could get close to them. They would look me right in the eye and all of their body language suggested that they had no fear of me. Of course this is something I tried to explain away until one day I was given a gift of witnessing something that I'm sure few people have ever seen.
I was taking care of my rabbits in my barn and this barn was an old wooden barn with an enclosed work shop. It had a dirt floor and under the workshop was a perfect place for wild rabbits to go and it was obvious that they had because it had been burrowed out in places. Before a mouse issue overtook my barn which prompted me to get some barn cats, wild rabbits would frequently come in and out of my barn right in front of me not worried about me at all. They seemed to know that I wouldn't hurt them--maybe because of the 50+ rabbits I already had in the barn:)
This particular spring I had made friends with a baby bunny. I named him Peter because just like Beatrice Potter's character, he seemed to have no fear and was very daring. He was only about 4-5 weeks old when I met him. I would talk to him and he would dance around as bunnies do (those of you who know bunnies know what I mean) and he would perk his ears up and get very close to me. His wild instincts never let me actually touch him but I got very close. He was as comfortable as a wild rabbit could be.
One day little Peter hopped into the barn and went under the workshop and behind him I saw a very large rabbit slowly hopping after him. It was obviously his mother. He stayed under the workshop and seemed to be saying "Come on Mom, it's ok" and she slowly and deliberately hopped after him--keeping an eye on me the whole time--she went under the workshop with him and right in front of me she allowed little Peter to nurse. Those of you who know rabbits, know that this is almost an impossible thing to witness in the wild--even domestic rabbits will very rarely nurse in front of people that they trust-- and here it was happening right in front of me. I have tears running down my face right now as I write this because it was one of the most beautiful gifts I ever received from one of my totems. I didn't understand what it meant at the time except that I knew I had been blessed by being allowed to witness this rare and beautiful site. As Peter grew that summer he continued to get my attention by dancing around in circles in the yard with perky ears when he saw me and coming in my barn to say "hello" when I was in there. I didn't see him the following year.
The Medicine Cards book talks about Rabbit being associated with fear and that what we fear we will draw to ourselves. The term "being scared to death" came from rabbit because rabbits can and will actually die of fear. This is an important part of Rabbit totem. Those of us who have Rabbit as a totem have to guard against irrational fear and consciously try to use it positively to overcome. There is, however, so much more to Rabbit.
Rabbits are Moon children. They are attuned to the moon and its cycles--something I very much relate to. A rabbit's gestation period averages 30 days so if bred on a full moon, delivery will happen on a full moon. Having bred and raised rabbits for as long as I did I will tell you I had more luck with full moon breeding than any other time. Rabbits are about fertility and abundance. Because they are akin to the moon they are also associated with luck, love, creativity, renewal, hope and coming full circle.
Now on to my recent experience...
I take a walk everyday in a walking/running park near my job. It's basically a 2.2 mile oval path that encompasses pretty well maintained grounds with water run off at the bottom so it does attract quite a bit of wildlife which is wonderful for me. I was walking along and all of a sudden I had to stop short because I literally almost stepped on a little baby bunny. He was right on the path in front of me. He stood very still and I crouched down and starting "talking" to him. He readjusted himself and his ears perked up and he looked right at me while his nose twitched away. I took a good look at him and he could not have been more than a month old. There were bushes next to us so I assumed he was the bravest kit of the litter and had been the first to hop outside to have a look around. I immediately thought of Peter and decided I had just met one of his kindred spirits.
I moved in to touch him and of course that was a little too much so he hopped under the railroad tie that started the edge of the bushes. I got down on my hands and knees and looked under the tie and realized that it was the opening to the rabbits nest. It had been hollowed out by Mom obviously and you could see where it let up and under the bushes. New Peter could have jumped right up into the nest and disappeared but he didn't. He peaked his head out and looked at me again and then hopped right out in front of my peering face. He perked up his ears while I continued to "talk" to him. Then he hopped into the grass and started eating--not worried about me at all. His ears were perked up and he kept looking at me. The funny thing is that another walker came and walked by him on the grass, seemingly not noticing the little bunny at all. The guy probably thought I was a nut standing there staring at the grass. Little Peter's entire demeanor changed as he crouched down, ears back, eyes forward, looking petrified as rabbits can. As soon as the walker had passed he perked right back up and kept hopping around me and looking at me. It was such a special experience.
Little Peter came back in my life to give me the feeling of renewed hope....and such a feeling it is. When I met the first little Peter I was going through a very difficult time in my marriage. Going out to the rabbit barn was my only solace. I would sit out there for hours tending to my rabbits and almost everyday Peter would come. Just being out there made me feel centered, like everything would be OK. I didn't realize it then that Rabbit was giving me the message to have hope--that abundance was in my life already and I just had to realize it.
Today I know what the message is. Good things are coming. I have abundance and fertility and love in my life. As I use the cycles of the moon to meditate and affirm I can think of little Peter and have my heart and mind and soul filled with the hope and promise of tomorrow--that I am exactly where I'm supposed to be, learning and experiencing what I'm supposed to. I am using Rabbit to overcome my fear everyday and to move through and feel the things that are happening to me and not run from them. The love of my life is coming along with other gifts--spiritual and otherwise--that the Universe has for me.This week I received my second great gift from Rabbit and I can carry that with me everyday and know that abundance flows in my life. It's not a mistake that these gifts came in the form of baby rabbits. Babies are new and full of all the promise there is, meaning that the hope lies in new beginnings and things that are yet to come.
Until next time......
No comments:
Post a Comment